Every relationship has seasons. Sometimes love feels easy and effortless. Other times it feels like a distant memory. When couples come to therapy saying their love is lost, what they’re often describing is a buildup of unprocessed emotions and unmet needs.
Resentment is a powerful barrier to connection. It grows quietly, fueled by small betrayals, unspoken disappointments and chronic stress. Over time it becomes an armor that keeps you from feeling safe enough to be vulnerable. You may begin to perceive your partner as the enemy rather than an ally.
"Couples don’t fall out of love; they lose access to it behind walls of resentment and unmet needs."
The first step toward reconnecting is differentiation — the ability to hold onto yourself while in relationship with someone else. It allows you to listen to your partner’s pain without becoming defensive or disappearing. It also means you can express your needs without blame or manipulation.
In session, we focus on slowing down conversations and tracking physiology. When partners are triggered, their nervous systems go into survival mode. Teaching them to notice their heart rate, breathing and muscle tension allows them to pause before reacting. Only then can they access empathy and curiosity.
If love feels lost in your relationship, know that it’s often still there — buried under layers of pain. Consider working with a couples therapist or joining a relationship group to learn skills for reconnection. The work is not easy, but discovering a deeper, more authentic love on the other side is worth it.